Rent-A-Hitman: Your Point & Click Solution!
Services
RENT-A-HITMAN is the perfect solution for your "special" needs. We offer a variety of professional services. Whether you are trying to put an end to a domestic dispute, or eliminate your business competitors, we have the solution, for you:
* Corporate Takeovers
* Political Solutions
* Private Redemption
Additional services (offered at a modest markup):
* Incident Scene Alterations
* Corpse Removal
* Cremation Services
* Eyewitness Elimination
We offer several options to suit the specific needs of our clients. Although our options fall into standard categories, all of our services are customized for the specific mark. Choose from any of the following options:
* STANDARD SOLUTION - If you want to keep things simple, and if you don't have any reason worry that anyone will ever think to question you for the premature departure of some guy, you may want to choose our standard economy package. Just take a vacation, relax, and we'll take care of the rest. When you come back from your vacation you will have a rock solid alibi and your problem(s) will be gone. Let the police boggle their minds over all the misleading clues they will find at and around the crime scene. In any event, you will never have to give the whole matter another thought, as long as you pay-up the balance.
* EUTHANASIA - Back by popular demand. Euthanasia is the act of doing somebody who has an incurable illness or injury; or allowing or assisting that person in a suicide. We carry out this service by administering a dose of Potassium Chloride into the blood system. Potassium Chloride can not be traced through an autopsy, because the presence of this chemical in the tissues is normal at the time of death. The only challenge is to find a way to administer it without leaving a needle mark. This is a professional secret that we do not disclose at this time.
* STAGED SUICIDES - The easiest way to stop the police from snooping around for a suspect, is to make them think that the victim is also wanted. That way they won't even be able to question the "suspect" and the case will be closed and shoved into the "closed files" before you are able to finish writing your condolence card.
* APPARENT ACCIDENTS - If you worry about investigations you may want to pick our "apparent accident" option. This way you will never be subject to "routine questions" by some investigator trying to impress his boss. Due to the necessity for thorough planning we offer our "apparent accident" package at a small markup.
* TOTAL DISAPPEARANCES - Some of our clients prefer that their "problems" disappear completely without a trace. We use several options to make people disappear. For example, some animals will eat anything that crosses their paths, including bones and teeth (it will be quite difficult to reconstruct a body once it has been transformed into a form of organic fertilizer). Furthermore, some chemicals will completely change the chemical composition of any organic substance (carbon, hydrogen, oxygen...etc). In any event, there will be no possibility that a body will ever be discovered, not even by future archaeologists. The body will simply cease to exist.
* SUDDEN ILLNESS - There are several substances that will cause vital organs to "spontaneously" shut down several weeks after the substance has been ingested. At that time all traces of any foreign substances will be naturally eliminated from the system through digestive tracts, but the damage will be done, and the clock will be ticking. Your mark will be very unlikely to rush to the doctor for a minor abdominal pain. In fact, once he feels the pain, he no longer needs a doctor; he needs a mortician.
* FRAMING OF INNOCENT SUBJECTS - If you want to be in the clear we can make sure that someone else's "fingerprints" are found on the "smoking gun". This is the best option for clients who wish to have more than one enemy eliminated. One will end up in a grave, and the other(s) on Death Row. In any event, both will be out of your life.
* Corporate Takeovers
* Political Solutions
* Private Redemption
Additional services (offered at a modest markup):
* Incident Scene Alterations
* Corpse Removal
* Cremation Services
* Eyewitness Elimination
We offer several options to suit the specific needs of our clients. Although our options fall into standard categories, all of our services are customized for the specific mark. Choose from any of the following options:
* STANDARD SOLUTION - If you want to keep things simple, and if you don't have any reason worry that anyone will ever think to question you for the premature departure of some guy, you may want to choose our standard economy package. Just take a vacation, relax, and we'll take care of the rest. When you come back from your vacation you will have a rock solid alibi and your problem(s) will be gone. Let the police boggle their minds over all the misleading clues they will find at and around the crime scene. In any event, you will never have to give the whole matter another thought, as long as you pay-up the balance.
* EUTHANASIA - Back by popular demand. Euthanasia is the act of doing somebody who has an incurable illness or injury; or allowing or assisting that person in a suicide. We carry out this service by administering a dose of Potassium Chloride into the blood system. Potassium Chloride can not be traced through an autopsy, because the presence of this chemical in the tissues is normal at the time of death. The only challenge is to find a way to administer it without leaving a needle mark. This is a professional secret that we do not disclose at this time.
* STAGED SUICIDES - The easiest way to stop the police from snooping around for a suspect, is to make them think that the victim is also wanted. That way they won't even be able to question the "suspect" and the case will be closed and shoved into the "closed files" before you are able to finish writing your condolence card.
* APPARENT ACCIDENTS - If you worry about investigations you may want to pick our "apparent accident" option. This way you will never be subject to "routine questions" by some investigator trying to impress his boss. Due to the necessity for thorough planning we offer our "apparent accident" package at a small markup.
* TOTAL DISAPPEARANCES - Some of our clients prefer that their "problems" disappear completely without a trace. We use several options to make people disappear. For example, some animals will eat anything that crosses their paths, including bones and teeth (it will be quite difficult to reconstruct a body once it has been transformed into a form of organic fertilizer). Furthermore, some chemicals will completely change the chemical composition of any organic substance (carbon, hydrogen, oxygen...etc). In any event, there will be no possibility that a body will ever be discovered, not even by future archaeologists. The body will simply cease to exist.
* SUDDEN ILLNESS - There are several substances that will cause vital organs to "spontaneously" shut down several weeks after the substance has been ingested. At that time all traces of any foreign substances will be naturally eliminated from the system through digestive tracts, but the damage will be done, and the clock will be ticking. Your mark will be very unlikely to rush to the doctor for a minor abdominal pain. In fact, once he feels the pain, he no longer needs a doctor; he needs a mortician.
* FRAMING OF INNOCENT SUBJECTS - If you want to be in the clear we can make sure that someone else's "fingerprints" are found on the "smoking gun". This is the best option for clients who wish to have more than one enemy eliminated. One will end up in a grave, and the other(s) on Death Row. In any event, both will be out of your life.
COMPANY POLICIES:
We require a photograph, bio and address of your mark, along with a $10,000 non-refundable deposit. Once we review your case, we call you back with a quote for the total cost. If you accept, you will have to make a payment on the balance for 50% of the final cost. Once we collect your deposit your fish is as good as cooked. The balance is due no later than 72 hours after the completion of the job. In the event that you are unable to pay the balance in full by due time, you don't have to put any effort into trying to contact us -- we will find you.
REFUND POLICY:
(This line has intentionally been left blank).
We require a photograph, bio and address of your mark, along with a $10,000 non-refundable deposit. Once we review your case, we call you back with a quote for the total cost. If you accept, you will have to make a payment on the balance for 50% of the final cost. Once we collect your deposit your fish is as good as cooked. The balance is due no later than 72 hours after the completion of the job. In the event that you are unable to pay the balance in full by due time, you don't have to put any effort into trying to contact us -- we will find you.
REFUND POLICY:
(This line has intentionally been left blank).
Copyright 2008 - Rent-A-Hitman: Your Point & Click Solution
