RENT-A-HITMAN has assisted individuals just like you who have been the victim of bullying at the gym, in the office, or at the club. With a wide variety of solutions available, we ensure that your situation is resolved accordingly with the proper care and attention it deserves. Fill out a Service Request form for additional information. Consultations are FREE and discreet.
Let's face it, we've all had a relationship or two that you just wish would go away, but didn't know just how to end it. Look no further and let RENT-A-HITMAN take care of the dirty work for you. To get started, submit a Service Request form and one of our highly skilled Relationship Advisors will provide you a FREE consultation.
Guido and his public relations crew at RENT-A-HITMAN were able to resolve a five year dispute in a matter of days. Highly recommended!
Caught my husband cheating with the babysitter and our relationship was terminated after a free public relations consultation. I'm single again and looking to mingle. Thanks Guido and RENT-A-HITMAN!
My business schedule is too busy to get my hands dirty with Human Resources issues, so I consulted with RENT-A-HITMAN and they handled my disgruntled employee issue promptly while I was out of town on vacation. Gracias, RENT-A-HITMAN!
RENT-A-HITMAN has proudly served hundreds of valued customers in over 200 Countries, including Canada and the remote New Ganada Islands!
Wherever you are in the world, RENT-A-HITMAN is just a smartphone browser away!
RENT-A-HITMAN has proudly been on the World Wide Web since 2005 and has the largest Field Operative network in the world!
Life can be hectic, so get your FREE consultation today!
Guido Fanelli & Family have operated RENT-A-HITMAN continuously since 1920 and have proudly served both Public and Private sectors.
The RENT-A-HITMAN Family is constantly growing every day to keep up with the global market needs.
Want to join the RENT-A-HITMAN Family? Check the Careers page and be sure to include portrait/headshot and list any special skills you may have. Blood, breath or urine testing may be required depending on your geographic location.
(Not available in Virginia, Puerto Rico & Guam)
Have a question? Fill out our secure web form and include as much detail as possible so we can assist you further.
RENT-A-HITMAN is one of the most experienced professional crisis management firms on the World Wide Web - NOT the Dark Web!
RENT-A-HITMAN has Field Operatives in every corner of the globe and can dispatch a crisis management team anywhere at a moment's notice.
We are HIPPA compliant and your satisfaction is guaranteed!
Business is booming and special discount packages are available:
Mention Code:
Cool Cats and Kittens for a
additional 10% discount.
To find out if you qualify, submit a service request form and a Field Operative will contact you as soon as possible.
Our hitman discounts are as fleeting as a lawyer's vacation and can't be paid in monopoly money, pirates' booty, or Death Wish Coffee.
Sorry, no in-laws or tickle attacks allowed, and please, no hitman puns - our accountant can't handle it!
Remember, these discounts are strictly non-transferable, like a well-crafted prenup.
And just like a strong case, there are no returns or refunds once the job is done.
So, let's enjoy a laugh, but remember, real-life hitman services are no joke - stick to legal fun and stay on the right side of the law!" 😄👨⚖️🤝
LEGAL INQUIRIES:
Goodfella's & Associates
Attorneys-at-Law
627 Stai Scherzando Place
New Ganada, California 98420
SEND CASH. NO REALLY, SEND CASH SO WE CAN RESUPPLY OUR DEATH WISH COFFEE STOCKPILE AND PROVIDE PIZZAS FOR OUR IT GUYS. THANK YOU!
Introducing the "RENT-A-HITMAN: Your Go-To for All Your Problem Resolution Needs!"
When it comes to taking care of business discreetly and hilariously, nobody does it better than RENT-A-HITMAN! Our unmatched customer service and satisfaction have not only earned us a loyal customer base but also some truly out-of-this-world industry awards. Here's a glimpse of our accolades:
1. **The Trigger Warning Award (2018-2021):** When it comes to setting off alarms and anxiety in our targets, we're experts! Our team's precision and skill make our clients sleep peacefully, knowing we've got it all covered.
2. **Best In Class from IARH (International Association of Retired Hitman) 2021:** Even the retired pros know where the real talent lies! RENT-A-HITMAN's reputation for excellence is so legendary that even the retired "cleaners" acknowledge our unparalleled skills.
3. **Trust Pilot Customer Experience Award (2019-2023):** With reviews as sharp as screen doors in a submarine, our satisfied customers keep pouring in and praising our top-notch service. No wonder we've dominated this award for years!
4. **Я люблю черепах - лол, заставил тебя посмотреть (2020):** Don't worry; you don't need to speak Russian to understand this award. It means "I love turtles - lol, made you look!" Yes, we're that good at grabbing attention - just like we grab our targets.
5. **WTF Man Award (2023):** When people see the level of creativity and audacity we bring to our hits, they can't help but exclaim, "WTF, man?!" Trust us; our work is simply mind-blowing!
6. **The Unbreakable Alibi Trophy (2023):** Our alibis are as solid as Fort Knox, making us the masters of avoiding suspicion. We know how to disappear from the scene like ghosts while sipping on our favorite drinks poolside at the local Motel 6.
7. **Bullet Whisperer Award IARH (2010-2023):** Our pills don't just hit their targets; they whisper sweet nothings before they strike. It's an art form, and we've mastered it over the years by playing CoD and PubG.
Fortnite sucks!
Now, you might be thinking, "How do they keep outdoing themselves year after year?!" Well, our secret lies in our commitment to staying ahead of the game. So keep an eye out for more astonishing industry awards coming soon!
At RENT-A-HITMAN, we don't just make hits; we make headlines!
Listen up, my friend, and lemme tell ya why RENT-A-HITMAN is the cream of the crop in this industry. You see, this ain't no ordinary business; it's a family, and RENT-A-HITMAN knows how to treat its clients right. They got connections and influence that run deep, and that's why they stand head and shoulders above the rest.
First and foremost, loyalty is the name of the game with RENT-A-HITMAN. Once you're in, you're in for life. They got a network of dedicated employees who'd take a bullet for the boss. You mess with one of 'em, you mess with the whole crew.
When it comes to making deals, RENT-A-HITMAN's got a reputation for being fair, but don't mistake that for weakness. They know how to get what they want, and they ain't afraid to flex their muscle if necessary. You cross 'em, and you'll find yourself swimmin' with the fishes at a resort in Central America taking shots of Flor de Cana.
In this game, it's all about respect, and RENT-A-HITMAN commands respect from everyone in the industry. They've earned their place at the top, and they ain't lettin' go anytime soon. So, if you're lookin' for the best, look no further than RENT-A-HITMAN. They're the real deal, capisce?
RENT-A-HITMAN responsibly restricts individuals under 18 from using their services, except with explicit written consent from a parent or guardian. Stringent security measures, following HIPPA regulations, may be required, possibly involving notarized pictures or creative sketches. Any changes to the regulations will only occur on Thursdays, per CDC guidelines.
FIVE BULLET POINTS TO PONDER
1. Hiring a "mechanic" is illegal and unethical, and supporting such activities can have severe legal consequences. WE ARE PROBLEM RESOLUTION SPECIALISTS.
2. Using the dark web for illegal purposes can expose you to cyber threats and leave you vulnerable to identity theft or blackmail.
WE ARE 100% HIPPA COMPLIANT
3. Participating in the dark web's illegal activities can ruin your reputation and social standing if discovered and Scout Leaders and PTA's frown upon that.
USE RENTAHITMAN.COM INSTEAD
4. A "cleaner" may not be trustworthy, and there's a risk they could turn on you or disclose your involvement to law enforcement & that's no fun!
DON'T RISK IT, CALL US TODAY!
5. Seeking non-violent alternatives to resolve conflicts is a more ethical and responsible approach to addressing personal issues.
ETHICS, WE HAVE SOME.
Your support and contributions will enable us to meet our goals and improve our services. we could use your help more than anything right now. Together, we can save additional lives!
